Two Years

This is John, posting a note on this, the second anniversary of Kate's passing. I am posting the same note on her Facebook page & blog, so sorry to be redundant for those who see it both places.

Here we are, two years now. Even with another year gone by, some ways it seems like yesterday and in others it seems like a lifetime ago. I couldn’t even imagine this day two years ago, but here it is. Some of the details may have started to get a little fuzzy, but the emotions are still strong as ever. Even though I shouldn’t be, I still get surprised by what will trigger memories/feelings. I guess that we will always carry those things with us.

It's been another very busy, full year with school, sports, dance, piano and just normal-life stuff, then a busy summer with swimming & travel and now getting ready for school again. Just another measure of how time flies, Jesse was five months old when Kate was first diagnosed and it all started, now he’s starting kindergarten! Seems so long ago, but the memories of him as a baby (and the girls, too) are still so vivid. I guess you never forget when they were babies.

We are all doing well. The kids are each so special and unique, very interested in learning and discovering the world around them. We still talk and think about Kate every day. The questions continue to come, sometimes about her illness but usually things about her, things we used to do, things she liked and what she was like at their ages (Mimi & Aunt Susie have to help me answer those). For me personally, the kids have kept me going from day to day even when I just wanted to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed all day. Those days are less frequent now and I finally feel open to thinking about the future instead of just getting through the day. Don’t know what the future holds, but for the first time in a very long time, I am interested in finding out. It’s not the future I thought it would be, with Kate by my side, but it’s the one God has planned for us and I know that is what matters.

The love, care and support that we still receive continues to amaze. Thank you to God and thank you to all the people He has put around us who take care of us and lift us up every day. I know we will always remember what has been done for us and hope that I/we are able to pass it on to others. We will never be able to fully repay what we have received, but I hope we will try.

Overall, I would say that we are all doing surprisingly well – better than I could have ever imagined two years ago. There are getting to be more good days than bad, which is good. We will always think about and miss Kate every day. I am glad that we can still think & talk about her and smile & laugh. My ending thought is the same as last year – I hope everyone who reads this can think of their own Kate story and have a smile and a laugh today, too. I know she would have liked that.