Gotta keep on keepin' on.......

Cancer again...that's 3 times in 2 years. This time it’s not breast cancer, but a new one called squamous cell carcinoma. New cancer, same old fighting spirit! My blog is still named for one of many songs that kept me going the first time around. Driving home from an upsetting appointment, I turned on the radio just as this line from Steve Miller Band's Jet Airliner was playing: "I've got to keep on keepin' on" I did just that. And I'll do it again.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

I swear I felt them bounce!

I really felt it, I swear! Last Wednesday, I was walking across the parking lot at the elementary school, on my way to read to Leah's kindergarten class for Read-Aloud Week. The sun was shining, and there was a slight breeze, which was so welcome as it's been unusually hot and I've been sweating in tank tops with long-sleeve zip-up sweatshirts.

So I'm walking across the parking lot, or more like bounding (I've been told I walk like a guy), and I had the strangest feeling: my boobs were bouncing with each step I took! Whoa! It was pretty cool! Not to mention pretty funny, since there's really nothing to bounce with.

They weren't that big before my surgery, though they did have some bounce. But when I was pregnant or nursing (which was pretty much-nonstop from 1998 to 2006) they were spectacular, and they'd just about give me a black eye when I ran.

So it was a pretty neat feeling, a little blast from the past.

I've heard that you can experience phantom pains after mastectomy, but I don't recall anything about a phantom bounce. Or phantom letdown, either. (My apologies if this is too much information) Letdown is that feeling in your boobs when you're nursing, just before the milk is released. I've had that feeling post-mastectomy too.

All these phantom pains are actually quite cool, not upsetting in the least. Maybe it's God's way of easing me into my new breastless life, I don't know? Maybe He's treated me to some nostalgic sensations, so I don't miss the boobs. (And at the risk of seeming like the lady doth protest too much, I really don't miss them.)

But the goosebumps? Those are the pits! Ick! When I get cold, and I actually do get chilly easily, I get goosebumps. Now, that hurts. But I'll weather the goosebumps, no problem. And I'll enjoy my phantoms while they last.


  • At 10/23/07, 10:10 AM, Blogger Jill Aldrich said…

    Katie--Like yours, my boobs were as big as pomelos when I was breastfeeding, but otherwise your average oranges :) But you know what? They're still spectacular! They're not gorgeous. In fact, a lot of people would say they're not even cute. But like my friend Sam says, they let me know there was trouble brewing inside. I love them (what's left of them) for that! (And if I jump from the kitchen table, they do bounce!) This was fun and sweet to read, Katie.

  • At 10/23/07, 12:07 PM, Blogger Sherry said…

    This might well be mind over matter but I love where your mind is!! I haven't had a mast (I had a lumpectomy) so this is something that I haven't experienced first hand. I'm sorry about the goose-bumps...that must feel weird. But keep on can call yourself Tigger!! :)

  • At 10/23/07, 4:25 PM, Blogger Jenster said…

    Hahahaha!!! I always used to be amazed at the phantom nipple sensations. But the phantom rubberband snap to the nipple sensations weren't quite as fun.

  • At 10/24/07, 8:57 AM, Blogger Jayne said…

    So if I've read your archives properly you have not started reconstruction, right? I had to wait 5 months before starting recon, and one of the things that was really weird for a while was this: cold liquid going from my throat to my tummy was almost painfully cold. Why? No idea. Less insulation? But it drove me crazy!

  • At 10/25/07, 5:08 PM, Blogger Jenster said…

    Jayne! I did the same thing! I didn't have reconstruction until a year and a half later and what you're talking about was a strange, strange sensation.

  • At 10/25/07, 5:26 PM, Blogger KT said…

    Jayne and Jen, I have that feeling already, and I haven't done reconstruction yet! How weird! It started almost immediately after my mastectomy. I can feel all cold beverages in my chest as the liquid goes down. It is not so much painful as it is annoying. I agree with Jayne, I think it comes from losing the insulation up front.

  • At 10/26/07, 1:40 PM, Blogger Jayne said…

    Katie, yes, it was the non-reconstruction time when I felt that. It was weird. It either went away or I got used to it.


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