pre-surgery thoughts

I have to type this quickly, before John realizes I'm still in the study and comes in to lecture me for staying up too late. I just can't sleep right now. I finally did get my bag packed, with all sorts of things I might need should I stay overnight: pajamas, zipup sweatshirt, a book I haven't been able to get through (thought it would come in handy in case I can't sleep), crossword puzzles, fuzzy socks....oh, and makeup too, because it never hurts to throw a little blush on, even when you're feeling yucky, right?

Why can't I sleep? It's not that I'm nervous about tomorrow. It's that I can't eat anything after midnight! I'm not a late night snacker, but for some reason when they tell me I can't eat after midnight....THEN I'm hungry! I don't want to make myself sick by cleaning out the fridge, so I thought I'd blog a little bit and keep busy.

I'm still very excited about tomorrow. A little bit of nervousness, though, from so many unknowns. I have heard that the wire localization they have to do first (when they xray me to find the cancer, then stick little wire guides to mark the top and bottom for the surgeon) is a little uncomfortable, and I don't know how long I'll be lying there with those wires sticking out of my chest (not to mention how big they'll be, and whether they'll stick out like TV antennae?)....That part makes me a little uneasy. But it's a necessary step and I'm sure can do it. And they'll be putting me totally under, not the twilight stuff they give for some operations that keeps you conversational, so I'm pretty confident that I won't be muttering anything embarrassing while they work on me. Unless I do that when I'm waking up.....

Well, I can see that this is not helping. I'm still thinking about food and worrying about ridiculous things. Maybe I should just head to bed. Tomorrow's a big day.