Gotta keep on keepin' on.......

Cancer again...that's 3 times in 2 years. This time it’s not breast cancer, but a new one called squamous cell carcinoma. New cancer, same old fighting spirit! My blog is still named for one of many songs that kept me going the first time around. Driving home from an upsetting appointment, I turned on the radio just as this line from Steve Miller Band's Jet Airliner was playing: "I've got to keep on keepin' on" I did just that. And I'll do it again.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Still doing fine, minus a few eyelashes

Well, I learned something last week: If you cry too many times over losing your eyelashes, they fall out faster.

It was a hard lesson. Fortunately, I wised up before they all came out. I'm down to about 18 on each upper lid, 3 on the lower left lid, and 6 on the lower right. (Yes, I really did count them, yesterday.)

I can't figure out if putting mascara on them enhances what's left or draws attention to the fact that there are just a few left. I don't know. Probably I should be grateful that they stayed with me all this time. They hung in there for me for almost 12 weeks!

I really don't mean to focus on the hair thing so much. I guess I have nothing else to do, since all is going well with my treatment. My checkup last Friday was good, both red and white counts were favorable. My oncologist said that the tumor was so small and soft that she couldn't get a good measurement on it. And she couldn't even find the lymph node in my armpit. Things are shrinking they way they should, always a good feeling!

I'm feeling good, too. No stomach issues, no aches, just a little fatigue this week. My family was here for Christmas, and they helped out in every area, so I could concentrate on wrapping presents, planning the menu, napping, and checking the status of my eyelashes.

I keep coming back to those eyelashes! So sorry! What is my problem? I was OK when the hair on my head went, and I've almost stopped complaining that I still have to shave my legs AND pluck the hairs on my chin (can someone please explain how this is fair?).....but the eyelashes really threw me. It just looks creepy. And I'm all about NOT looking creepy, especially for the girls. I don't want them running away screaming because their freaky, "take-me-to-your-leader" mommy wants to give them a hug.

All right, I'm exaggerating. They've all seen me without a wig or hat, and except for Leah they haven't run screaming from me yet (at least that cured her of walking into my room without knocking first). But you never know what their limit is. I just want them to keep on being "fine" with mommy's cancer, the way they've been all along. You know, telling everyone about their mommy's "booby cancer", complimenting me on my cool leopard print hat, begging me to put on their favorite wig (the girls love Audrey-Angelina), and not being afraid to ask me questions like "does it hurt?", "can we catch it?", and "can I see your funny hair?"

The girls haven't said a thing about the eyelashes yet. I've been careful not to bring it up when they're around, careful not to be upset about any of this in front of them. John and I are still determined to be as normal as possible with this cancer thing. The girls have been very accepting of my physical changes, so I'm sure they won't be as traumatized by the eyelashes as I am. I think they see only "me", not my individual features. I'm more like one big mommy blob, a blob they love no matter what.

So I suppose a few eyelashes is nothing to cry about.


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