Gotta keep on keepin' on.......

Cancer again...that's 3 times in 2 years. This time it’s not breast cancer, but a new one called squamous cell carcinoma. New cancer, same old fighting spirit! My blog is still named for one of many songs that kept me going the first time around. Driving home from an upsetting appointment, I turned on the radio just as this line from Steve Miller Band's Jet Airliner was playing: "I've got to keep on keepin' on" I did just that. And I'll do it again.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

My big fat head!

Went to church today with my mom and the girls, the 9:45 contemporary service, which is not my favorite because they play rock music, no hymns. They even have a full band up front in the sanctuary, which to me seems out of place. No organ music, no choir, just a short piano solo during the offering. I don't find the contemporary music very peaceful, but the pastor is great and the sermon is always interesting and I do get a lot out of that.

We go to the 9:45 service because the Sunday School at 9:45 is wonderful, a big affair with several classrooms separated by age/grade with at least 10 kids in each class. During the traditional 11:00 service (the one I prefer because they have a choir and an organ and hymns and don't make you read the lyrics projected onto the sanctuary wall), they only have one Sunday School class that combines ages 5-8. It's a small group, and the girls don't care for it as much. I'd rather they be with more of their friends at the 9:45 service.

Anyway, my mother and I attended the 9:45 service, which is very crowded. I decided I couldn't get away with my ponytail wig and baseball hat for church, so I wore my new wig, the one Susie and I bought after my last treatment. This wig we call Audrey-Angelina. All of my wigs have names. The ponytail wig is Delores, and the headband wig is Paige. The new one I wanted to call Audrey, because I had hoped to name the baby Audrey but she turned out to be a he....Jesse! I added Angelina because Leah liked that name for the wig.

So I wore Audrey-Angelina to the crowded service, hoping I'd blend in and no one would notice me. I just sat there, unable to concentrate because I think my head seems unnaturally large. I don't have a very big head anyway, and my hair never had much there I sat with this big (I think) wig on top of my head. The bangs on it are a little too long (I have an appt Wednesday to get it trimmed) and they kept falling into my eyes. Synthetic hair is itchy, in case you were wondering! I felt like it was puffy on top and in the back, and getting a little static-y, but I didn't want to keep tugging at it or smoothing it and draw even more attention to the fact that I'm wearing a wig. Not to mention that it's a dirty blond color, not real close to my old hair although a pretty shade I THOUGHT I could pull off. Not sitting in church, however. I just felt like everyone was looking at my big fat head! It was awful. Maybe it was the rock music, maybe it was just me being paranoid. I tried to get over it by not making make eye contact with anyone. I did run into someone from my neighborhood as I was dropping Frances off at the nursery, but said a quick hello and kept moving, pretending I was in a hurry.

I now see why some women decide to go bare-headed, or wear scarves. Why try to fool everyone anyway when everyone knows you're bald? I haven't warmed up to the bare-headed or scarf options yet--plus it's cold out you know--so for now I'll stick with Delores (the ponytail wig) and hold my head high when I have to wear Audrey-Angelina. Paige is only an around-the-house option because she's too big and slips down a lot, making me look like the female ape (what was her name?) from Planet of the Apes.

Maybe after my hairdresser trims the bangs on Audrey-Angelina, which really is a nice wig, I'll feel a little less self-conscious about this whole big fat head thing. I'm hoping! Or perhaps I can find a bejeweled baseball hat that could be considered dressy enough for church!


  • At 11/6/06, 10:55 PM, Blogger DT said…

    The ape you're thinking of was called Zira. She was played by Kim Hunter.


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