My big fat head!

Went to church today with my mom and the girls, the 9:45 contemporary service, which is not my favorite because they play rock music, no hymns. They even have a full band up front in the sanctuary, which to me seems out of place. No organ music, no choir, just a short piano solo during the offering. I don't find the contemporary music very peaceful, but the pastor is great and the sermon is always interesting and I do get a lot out of that.

We go to the 9:45 service because the Sunday School at 9:45 is wonderful, a big affair with several classrooms separated by age/grade with at least 10 kids in each class. During the traditional 11:00 service (the one I prefer because they have a choir and an organ and hymns and don't make you read the lyrics projected onto the sanctuary wall), they only have one Sunday School class that combines ages 5-8. It's a small group, and the girls don't care for it as much. I'd rather they be with more of their friends at the 9:45 service.

Anyway, my mother and I attended the 9:45 service, which is very crowded. I decided I couldn't get away with my ponytail wig and baseball hat for church, so I wore my new wig, the one Susie and I bought after my last treatment. This wig we call Audrey-Angelina. All of my wigs have names. The ponytail wig is Delores, and the headband wig is Paige. The new one I wanted to call Audrey, because I had hoped to name the baby Audrey but she turned out to be a he....Jesse! I added Angelina because Leah liked that name for the wig.

So I wore Audrey-Angelina to the crowded service, hoping I'd blend in and no one would notice me. I just sat there, unable to concentrate because I think my head seems unnaturally large. I don't have a very big head anyway, and my hair never had much volume....so there I sat with this big (I think) wig on top of my head. The bangs on it are a little too long (I have an appt Wednesday to get it trimmed) and they kept falling into my eyes. Synthetic hair is itchy, in case you were wondering! I felt like it was puffy on top and in the back, and getting a little static-y, but I didn't want to keep tugging at it or smoothing it and draw even more attention to the fact that I'm wearing a wig. Not to mention that it's a dirty blond color, not real close to my old hair although a pretty shade I THOUGHT I could pull off. Not sitting in church, however. I just felt like everyone was looking at my big fat head! It was awful. Maybe it was the rock music, maybe it was just me being paranoid. I tried to get over it by not making make eye contact with anyone. I did run into someone from my neighborhood as I was dropping Frances off at the nursery, but said a quick hello and kept moving, pretending I was in a hurry.

I now see why some women decide to go bare-headed, or wear scarves. Why try to fool everyone anyway when everyone knows you're bald? I haven't warmed up to the bare-headed or scarf options yet--plus it's cold out you know--so for now I'll stick with Delores (the ponytail wig) and hold my head high when I have to wear Audrey-Angelina. Paige is only an around-the-house option because she's too big and slips down a lot, making me look like the female ape (what was her name?) from Planet of the Apes.

Maybe after my hairdresser trims the bangs on Audrey-Angelina, which really is a nice wig, I'll feel a little less self-conscious about this whole big fat head thing. I'm hoping! Or perhaps I can find a bejeweled baseball hat that could be considered dressy enough for church!